STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
