Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
