Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The best revenge is premature balding
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
