I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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