I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
