i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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