My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize