If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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