Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He felt like a one man threesome
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
