Pants 0. Shit 1.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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