The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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