can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
