would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
