Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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