Can i not drive my cunt home
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
