Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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