the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize