he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
