There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
