So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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