I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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