when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
