Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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