I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize