there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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