I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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