Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
