i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize