i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
