Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ladies don't puke and tell
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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