im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
