I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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