ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
