I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
