I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
