The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
