So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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