You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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