i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
