I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
