i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize