Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
