she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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