I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
