Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize