guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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