So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
