this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if only i could text you this smell
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
