I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
