Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
