Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
