I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
