I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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