another moral hangover. fuck.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
