well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize