we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize