I wish i was in the wii world.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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