Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
