I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
