If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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