Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
bring money and cleavage
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
